this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
