I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
