guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
