Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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