this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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