I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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