your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
