so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
