thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
