Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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