I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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