She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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