i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
