im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
