Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
