the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
