Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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