Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
