when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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