i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
