I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
