well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
