In the future we'll all be gay
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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