is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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