YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
