I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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