Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
