He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
