Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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