I am midnight drunk by noon
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
