well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
