I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
