It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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