she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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