I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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