dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
