i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
