All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
