I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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