He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
