I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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