I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
