Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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