YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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