Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
