By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
