I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
