his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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