They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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