Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
