so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
