I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
