It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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