its not stalking. its research.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
