i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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