I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
