Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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