mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
