I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
