did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
