She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
