I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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