ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
