Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
