I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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