I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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