My nipple is on Facebook.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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