Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize