Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
