if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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