Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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