this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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