He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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