someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
